[ December 8th, 2009 at 11:02 pm.] radiation__high My life, day to day. I wake up at 8:50. Hit the snooze twice and consider myself on time if I’m out of bed by 9:06. I walk to the bus. Sometimes the Puerto Rican man on the corner is out on his porch, drinking a beer. I smile and say “goodmorning” and he winks, asking “how you doin’ sweetie?” he’s tall, rough and handsome, in a really weird way. I think I’d like to be his friend. Then I pass Almatrahir. The clerk and I exchange greetings. Usually I don’t know what he’s saying, and I make a pathetic attempt to pretend I understand him, but he likes me anyway. I take the bus to class. There was this woman over the summer that I ran into a few times. She’d ask me for a “couple of dollars? in the name of jesus?” and I honestly never had anything on me so I’d have to say no. It was obvious that she had some kind of addiction. Her teeth were always grinding and her face always sweating. Now I see her on the bus sometimes holding an orange reflective vest. It’s cute and I’m happy that she’s got a job now. For some reason I feel a very strong connection with her. I stare at everyone on the bus but I’m the worst with her. There are a few women that give me a very strong maternal feeling. One of my favorites is a woman that comes into Boston Market and gets family meals. We talked once for a little bit and we got along really well, and I kind of wanted her to take me home with her and feed me dinner. Somehow I just got the feeling that I’m cheating on my mom for admiring these other women. I got to stop smoking so much weed.

Marching along [ December 7th, 2009 at 07:33 pm.] slebalete [ mood | real, happy, healthystrongandcalm ] [ music | 4999 songs on Marvin ] This is old news but I need to say it: I love the song "No Air." Love it. I could jam to this forever. Oh, and I plan to, once I get my lazy ass to put it in a mix CD for the car. I tend to have a small bit of trouble remembering the section of the alphabet containing the letters E through H. It's highly embarrassing, though fortunately so far no one has seemed to notice (to my knowledge). The remainder of the alphabet I can recall with ease, at will, noproblemnosweat, in the same way normal people can remember the entire alphabet. But I'm special: if I'm alphabetizing something, I have to stop--very briefly--to think of the order of E/F/G/H and sometimes I. My shame keeps me up some nights. Some hooligan(s) vandalized my apartment complex's gym. They fucked up the two treadmills, leaving me restless and anxious since I can only use the elliptical (which they apparently spared), and it gets boring. They also stole the two plasma TVs, but I'm less concerned about this since I never watch them. I bring my own jams, thanks--like the various Smuckers. Yesterday for MSYG we were tasked with the mission of painting the sets for the upcoming holiday pageant. Well, that was rather ambitious of whoever decided that would be the case. Have you ever tried to get a group of 10-12 uninterested middle schoolers to brainstorm, sketch, and paint three 10'x12' canvases in under an hour? I never had, but George & I got to try it twice (once for each service) on Sunday. With quite comical results. We've decided to deny having any association with said canvases when the pageant is performed in six days. Haaaa. Business Week picked Chapel Hill as the "Best Place to Raise Your Kids" in North Carolina, and U.S. News and World Reports named it one of the nation's "15 Cities for People Who Hate Driving and Long Commutes." Then again, the number of new syphilis cases is on the rise, so you be the judge. I'm sure I could think of much more folderol to spew (like the fact that I was mentioned in today's LA Times crossword), but I have two major exams tomorrow for which I have to return to my hardcore studying regimen. Pshh. This lousy degree had better be worth it.

[ December 7th, 2009 at 12:50 am.] radiation__high i've been feeling pretty unhappy lately. i've been trying to deal with myself and shitty trouble with friends at the same time. so i've been turning against myself. i'm always looking in the mirror, in photos, and critisizing what i see. i consider myself repulsive. i feel like i am an eyesore. i don't know how my roomates put up with seeing me in that stupid pink robe everyday. with my stupid hair and my stupid face and my stupid voice. ugh. my stupid mannerisms. i'm sick of being the idiot at work. i'm a fucking idiot. i'm feeling pretty bad lately and i dont really know what to do about it. i know i need to talk to somebody but... ugh.

"Lily look at my hands, I am not shaking anymore." [ December 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm.] slebalete [ mood | the slightest little hope ] [ music | finally caught up to Fringe Season 2! ] The only good thing about someone taking a long time to reply to your email is that you are justified in taking an equally long time to send a reply to their reply. Ha! I don't really have anything worthwhile to say. The water I am drinking tastes odd, off, bad. But I'm thirsty. Life sucks. What do I do about Lady Gaga? I think I like the person, the entertainer, based on a few interview clips. The music is not what I'm into, though. It's too bad 'cause I wanna get in on the hype and I'm pretty sure I dig Gaga herself but what to do about all those positive vibes if I still want to change the track every time a song of hers comes on? OHHHHHHHH THE ANGSTTTTTTTTTTTT On that note...About Scrubs: The New School: I won't say it totally sucks so far, it doesn't, buuuuuuut I'm going to have trouble keeping an interest in it. I miss Carla, and the Janitor. I might even miss JD, despite the fact he's my least favorite character and I want to smack him once on his big face and twice up the backside of his head. This new "Lucy" character is downright awful, and I feel no connection to her whatsoever. But I'm still madly in love with Dr Cox and that won't change, ever, so I might stick around just for him. I got a cappuccino today, and I don't even know what that is. I do know it was delicious. "And Lily smell my breath, I am not stinky from cigarettes...and other stuff anymore..."

[ December 1st, 2009 at 10:38 pm.] radiation__high i am so fucking bored.

[ November 30th, 2009 at 12:27 pm.] destinedgemini [ mood | moody ] I swear if I don't get my period soon, i'm going to harm children and little dogs.

Home movies. [ November 29th, 2009 at 08:11 pm.] slebalete [ mood | olde tyme mem'ry ] The year is 1992, the occasions are Easter morning and Valentine's Day. I'm 3.

I've opened up Pandora's box. [ November 28th, 2009 at 10:57 pm.] slebalete [ mood | my laptop's speakers suck, hard ] [ music | 8 full hours of sleep ] It's terrifying, but I think I'm ready. And I believe it will be good for me. Deep breath. Ahhh we'll see where this goes. Thanksgiving!: At The Beach. That's the name I'm giving 2009's celebration of giving thanks, since we spent it at my Nana's house on Carolina Beach. I drove down with my parents Wednesday morning, after babysitting Ella the night before (we bowled for recyclables and [I have to interrupt to say that Pandora just selected "Ruby Soho" for me to listen to, causing me to emit a gleeful yelp because it's been like a whole lifetime since I've heard this song and I love it so so ruby so ho much] began work on a dollhouse to be made out of discarded cardboard boxes). My Uncle Steven arrived Wednesday afternoon as well, and the five of us (myself, uncle, parents, nana) had a joyous old time for the next 48 hours. Our wild adventures included: Apples to Apples (I beat them all, no sweat, because only I can play to Nana successfully); shopping at Food Lion with my dad and uncle (for me, a delicious apple and a scrumptious pear); shark teeth hunting (I got 8 good ones!); long walks on the beach (no piña coladas); readingreadingreading (Hokum, Smithsonian magazine, Gilead); [Am I supposed to like Frou Frou? Because I like Imogen Heap?] a brief Roseanne marathon [my choice]; helping Nana decipher the computer shortcut keys [no one older than 50 seems to appreciate the magic of Ctrl+T]; looking at old photographs [a very special one of me focusing my eyes and smiling at the same time, which is still a rare sight to this day]; one Skype conversation with Emily and her host sister in South Korea and one with Adrien & Henri in West Chester, PA [here's a big virtual hug to whomever invented Skype because it is amazing]; and, of course, gorging ourselves on Thanksgiving dinner [smoked turkey, green beans with almonds, mashed sweet potatoes with pecans, stuffing with onion and celery, cranberry/orange sauce, and pumpkin cheesecake, all except the turkey prepared by my wonderful & tireless mother]. Yum! That was Thanksgiving!: At The Beach. Back at my parents' house I tried to laze around for a bit, since it is after all [whaaat I was unaware Pandora had ads that yap about eBay deals what is this fuckery] a holiday and I have no real work to do. Succeeded in watching about half of the twelve SVU epsiodes recorded on DVR. But I couldn't relax enough to relax, probably because I'm essentially a guest there, living out of a suitcase in the guest room--which is actually fine with me, I don't mind at all, it's just hard to settle in and get comfy. So I came home to my apartment this afternoon and started transferring some old home movies from VHS to .avi files. This is both a delightful process (some of these videos are comedy gold) and an excruciatingly tedious one (because I'm forced to sit through some awful videos). It records in real time so there's no way to fast-forward through shit I don't wanna see, like hours of dance recitals and school plays. But it's all so worth it in the end, to have all our family memories in digital format and eventually on DVD, safely tucked away until something replaces the DVD just like the VHS tape was so rudely ousted. So I left out the stressful bits (my mom and nana have a, um, strained relationship), and the hell I went through to re-create the setup I had for the VHS conversion last winter, but all in all it was a very nice holiday. I hope everyone else enjoyed theirs. Ah. Does Pandora do mashups?

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